A great day out in the hills normally involves a series of pointlessly gruelling ascents and descents (why am I doing this to myself?), broken up by an inordinate amount of snacks, the consumption of which increases proportionate to your level of fatigue. It ends, invariably, in a pub, with a glow of satisfaction that’s almost as warm as the roaring fire.
You've probably never reached the end of a day in the hills and thought, you know what, I need to read an online listicle to determine whether that was in fact good or bad. But, it’s here – and you'd better be ready for it.
So how many of these do you agree with? And what would you add to this list?
1. The sun is shining (or if you’re in the UK, there aren't any weather warnings)
The sun definitely isn’t a prerequisite for a good day out in the hills. In fact, you’re lucky if you get a glimpse of it through some clouds. You might turn to the other people in your group in disbelief, asking: “What is this strange bright circle? And what have we done to deserve this?”
As inhabitants of a rainy island, we’ve evolved to head out into the hills clad in waterproof jackets and overtrousers. And as long as you aren’t hypothermic, there’s a strange joy to being on top of a windy fell in the slashing rain and wind.
So provided there aren’t any weather warnings (or, at least nothing more than a yellow one), you’re probably having a grand day out.
2. There's good chat
At the start of the hike, you’re probably chatting about the weather and debating whether trail running shoes are better than walking boots, and is Gore-Tex really worth it (or is that just the LFTO team?).
You need to get this out of your system before any interesting topics come up, which is normally at the end of the hike, when you’re so tired that your everyday concerns shrivel.
When the conversation turns to important topics like the meaning of life and who would win a fight between a lion and a tiger, you know for sure that you’re having a great day out in the hills.
3. Your snack break looks like this
Granted, these photos were taken in the Alps, so might be hard to replicate on a windy Lake District fell.
If there's no mouth-watering array of local cheeses and pastries available, you might have to opt for a Kendal mint cake, or one of our ultimate hiking snacks.
Luckily, the best hiking daypacks have plenty of snack storage. Like a warrior with a scarcity mindset, you’ll set out armed with snacks in your hip belt, side pockets and rucksack lid. No one can defeat you, as long as your cereal bars are safe.
4. Your brand new belay jacket doesn’t get blown off Ben Lomond
Oddly specific, right? My friend placed her new insulated jacket on the ground as she was unpacking her rucksack, then had to watch as it spiralled into the air, never to be seen again.
If no greedy gusts have snatched away your essential kit, it’s probably been a good day out. At least, you’ve avoided a freezing descent to the bothy in just your fleece.
5. There's a brief glimpse of a view
Sometimes all you can ask for is a brief glimpse of view through the passing mist.
As long as you’re not in a total whiteout, you’re probably having a good day. Even if you are, you can still make a classic remark about the “lovely view” at the top of the hill. It’s not original, but someone’s gotta say it.
6. Everyone who went up the mountain also comes down
According to the laws of gravity, everything that goes up must surely come down.
Count the number of people you start with and the number you end with. If you get down the hill, look around you, and notice that so-and-so hasn’t just gone quiet because of their knee pain, they’re actually not there anymore, this probably isn't great news.
7. You bring the right kind of water purification tablets
They might look similar in Decathlon, especially if you’re rushing to make a 8am train for Edale, but water preservation tablets are NOT to be confused with water purification tablets.
If you can stay hydrated by using bona fide purification tablets, or just have enough water with you in the first place, you’re probably onto a good day in the hills.
8. You get a ridge all to yourself
Mount Everest and Mam Tor in the Peak District might not seem like an obvious pair. However, there’s one thing they have in common: the crowds.
The never-ending flow of people walking up Mam Tor sometimes evokes pictures of people queuing to summit Everest. Having a ridge to yourself is a rare and precious event, which marks a truly standout day out.
9. No mountain rescue callouts
Mountain rescue volunteers are a lovely bunch, but meeting one probably means someone in your group is injured. This is never a sign of a good day out in the hills.
10. You come to a life-changing revelation
While this doesn’t happen every time you go on a hike, sometimes moving through the hills can reveal hidden truths, as you fall into step and your mind starts to wander.
You might realise that the top of a mountain is in fact higher than the bottom, and it therefore requires a lot of effort to get up, and a surprisingly similar amount of effort to get down.
11. Easy scrambling doesn't turn into an Alex Honnold free solo
This is another unfortunate happening, which is all-too true. You’ll realise this isn’t the grade-one scramble you set out to do when your legs start trembling on a highly exposed slab, which you later find out is actually a climbing route.
If only I'd read the LFTO guide to scrambling before setting out. If you manage to stick to the route you've set out to do, hopefully it won't turn into an epic.
12. You end up where you started if you’re doing a circular route
Enough said.
13. You DON’T end up where you started if you’re going A to B
As above.
14. The day ends in a pub
Much like listening to a drill bore a hole in the ground, it’s nice when it stops. That’s why we do these things, right?
If you can end the day in a cozy pub, with a glow of satisfaction that’s as warm as the roaring fire, you know that you’ve almost certainly had an excellent day out.
15. You sleep like a log
Or like a branch that's been felled, and is now in a collapsed heap, wondering if it'll ever be intact again.
If you drift off as soon as your head hits the pillow (preferably not any sooner), then you’ve probably had a grand day out. At least, you’ve exerted yourself enough for your body to be crying out for rest. It's been an extra good day if you're so tired that your sleep isn't interrupted by your partner snoring.
Note: if, after reading all of these signs, you’re STILL not sure if you've had a great day out of the hills, you can print it out and use it as a checklist.